Move Over Tiger Woods, North Korea's Dumpy Dear Leader has your number!

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet! More Powerful Than Locomotive! Able to Leap Tall Buildings In a Single Bound! Its a Bird! Its a Plane. Its Dumpy Dear Leader. The Worlds Most Incredible Golfer.

Guffaws were heard around the world last month when it was reported that North Korea's Dear Leader Kim Jong Il had scored 11 holes-in-one in a single round of golf.

But Weekly Playboy (1/1-8), which calls the dumpy dictator a sporting superstar, reports the feat was even more remarkable because the Pyongyang Golf Club where the feat is supposed to have occurred only has a few short holes reachable with a single hit.

"He's incredible! Normally, 11 aces would be unthinkable. Normally, there are only four short holes on any course, so more than five holes-in-one is physically impossible. Nobody in the world has done something like this. I guess the Dear Leader has hit a ball that has been computer-controlled to fly into the holes. If he really has done it, he can buy me a drink. But I can't believe that beer-bellied old man could possibly do it," Kazuya Maruyama, a 60-something lawyer and fitness freak, tells Weekly Playboy. "Golf balls don't fly through the air like that. Besides, North Korea can't get its Taepodong missile guidance system right, so I don't think they'd be able to do something like that."

Oh; to be the Dumpy Leader worlds greatest golfer. Only he could perform a sporting feat that no one else can do. Not even Tiger Woods. But, this is Dumpy Dear Leader we're talking about. A man who has written hundreds of Opera's and thousands of books. A person who was "Born on a Mountain" in North Korea after descending from the heavens. Even though he was really born in Moscow. Don't tell anyone. With all these attributes he's even "A Ladies Man." Look at that fine pompadour and those shoe lifts which make him all of 160cm tall. Talk about tall dark and hansom. Yes: Dear Dumpy Leader a Man For All Seasons.

But with those U.S. sanctions in place. Dear Dumpy Leader's life style has been put in a Major Crimp. What's a Wild and Crazy Guy to do without his cognac, segway's, Rolex watches and bad porn? Perform amazing athletic feats that no one else could ever achieve. Are Man Dear Dumpy Leader.

Fun News Stories

Hookers Busted in U.S. Visa Scam

Police have busted 42 prostitutes for using forged documents to get a U.S. visa. Police in Seoul also detained a broker identified as Kim (47) on charges of faking a variety of documents to help them get the visas.

According to police, Kim and his Korean-American accomplice had been mocking up bank account records, job certificates and Family Register documents for their clients and training them for the visa interviews since September 2004, charging W4 million (US$1=W928) per person Chosun Ilbo

Rescued mutt laps up attention
TOKUSHIMA--Ever wondered what happened to the dog that leapt into the headlines last month with a dramatic, cliff-hanger rescue here?

Well, the mutt is doing just fine--although its rescuers have been dogged with offers to give it a new home.

That, sadly, is often not the case for the innumerable strays that roam the streets and alleys of the nation's cities. Asahi Evening News

Taking aim at Japan's washroom wonders
Japan's high tech toilets with their automatically opening lids and washers are highly regarded across much of the globe, but the Land of the Rising Sun has also come up with a whole range of lesser known washroom wonders, Spa! (12/26) notes.

Take the Target Seal, a 3-centimeter-high sticker placed inside a urinal to mentally trick men into taking aim when they tinkle instead of merely spraying indiscriminately.Originally placed in the toilets at Kansai International Airport by a cleaner who'd spotted a similar ploy while on a trip to South Korea, Target Seals are now proving a massive hit for their maker, Taka Art, an Osaka-based printing and advertising company. Target Seals worked so well at KIX, a London market research company declared it had "the cleanest toilets of any airport in the world." Daily Mainichi

Burma Fact Box

FACTBOX - Major ethnic rebel groups in Myanmar

Myanmar's mountains and jungles are home to a dizzying array of rival hill tribes, guerrilla groups and narco-armies.

The former Burma is one of the most ethnically diverse countries in Southeast Asia, comprising 10 main ethnic groups and at least 135 subgroups.

Multiple insurgencies broke out soon after independence from Britain in 1948 when promises of autonomy failed to materialise. The chaos paved the way for military dictator Ne Win to seize power in 1962 and the military has ruled ever since.

In the 1980s and 1990s the junta offered some autonomy to rebel groups in return for ending their armed struggle. Many agreed, but some are still fighting.

Here are facts about Myanmar's key rebel groups:

KAREN NATIONAL UNION (KNU)

- The KNU and its armed wing, the Karen National Liberation Army (KNLA), have been fighting the central government in Yangon for greater autonomy since 1949.

In the early months of their campaign Karen forces, most of whom had fought in Britain's colonial army, nearly succeeded in seizing the capital Yangon, formerly Rangoon, but were held off in a northern suburb of the city.Fact Box

Syed Saleem Shahzad Asia Times On-line's Pakistan Bureau Chief traveled to southern Afghanistan to meet with members of the Taliban and local tribal leaders to see what preparations are being made by the Taliban for a major confrontation with NATO forces and to witness how tribal governance is working in conjunction with the Taliban's idea of government apparently not very well. The entire article can be read at The Asia Times

KARACHI - The battle lines have been drawn on the Afghan chessboard for what is likely to be a decisive confrontation between foreign forces and the Taliban-led tribal resistance. Both sides have fine-tuned their strategies, have engaged their pawns, and are poised for action.

The Taliban's efforts are focused on next spring, after the harsh winter weather eases, while North Atlantic Treaty Organization

(NATO) forces aim to "nip this evil in the bud", using the province of Kandahar as their strategic base.

The Province of Kandahar which boarders Pakistan is in the minds of Taliban leaders and military strategists the key to their return to power in Afghanistan. Kandahar has always been a Taliban strong hold and they believe that by surrounding the city of Kandahar and cutting off NATO forces they will once again control this area and ultimately the whole of Afghanistan. As noted above there has never been a true force on force confrontation between the Taliban and NATO. If a large battle is brewing would the Taliban abandon guerilla tactics for those of conventional warfare? In doing so they might not like the out come of the battle.

Maulana Jalaluddin Haqqani, head of the Taliban's military operations in Afghanistan, is in the Pakistani tribal area of North Waziristan - a virtually independent region in Taliban hands. The one-legged former Taliban intelligence chief Mullah Dadullah is also in Pakistani territory, shuttling between South Waziristan tribal area and border areas near Pakistan's Balochistan province and southwestern Afghanistan.

Haqqani and Dadullah, on the instructions of Taliban leader Mullah Omar, are talking to tribespeople in southwestern and southeastern Afghanistan to smooth the path for the Taliban taking control. The Taliban are pledging to share everything with the tribes, including land, power and resources.

This process is still ongoing and, according to people close to the Taliban, once it is completed the Taliban will call for a full mobilization of troops and Mullah Omar will go to Baghran to command them personally in the push to Kandahar and ultimately Kabul.

Talking to people is one thing. Providing for their basic needs is something else. Especially in an area as remote as this. Where there is little or not medical service. People live in homes made of mud bricks and the schools are being burnt down because the Taliban as thing against education. With people already living in abject poverty how does your harsh rule provide them with any comfort or hope for the future? Finally it doesn't help when the person put in charge of the district isn't the brightest bulb in the world and the only reason he holds the position is because in graduated from a Taliban run school.

In the beginning there was Baghran
Once all issues between tribal leaders and the Taliban have been hammered out, Mullah Omar will move to Baghran, the northernmost district in Helmand province. It is the last Pashtun-speaking district in the southwest before one gets to the neighboring Persian-speaking western provinces, such as Ghor.

Baghran has always been an important hub for the Taliban, serving as a rallying point to mend differences between Tajik commanders and pro-Taliban Pashtun commanders.

The only problem here is that the local tribal leaders as well as those who once fought the Soviets seem to have a different ideas. As in we can look after are selves.

War Blogs From Iraq

Today the BBC published excerpts from blogs written by Iraqi's caught up in the daily violence of the war and sectarian attacks. The story from the BBC News

Iraqi Rocker or "Meemo" is a 19 year old man living in Baghdad.

Wednesday, December 13 2006: The Mehdi militia tried to take over our neighbourhood, but they couldn't. I think they will try again later.

The other team that is trying to take over the neighbourhood is al-Qaeda.

They don't attack in the same way as the Mehdi army; they are more bloody.

They use sidewalk bombs, they get inside people's houses and kill everyone.

Both teams are killers, I don't like either of them and I want them both to burn in hell. IRAQI ROCKER

Chikitia is a 27 year old woman living in Baghdad.
Monday, December 18, 2006: Am I the only one who believes that the post-invasion crimes committed by the government-backed militias have kind of desecrated the memory of the mass graves victims?

Isn't it ironic that such an appalling crime makes Saddam look like an angel, compared to today's Satans. At least the bodies were buried when he was in power; he didn't give orders to dump them in piles of trash with the three bullets to the head trademark.

On second thoughts, I think Iraqis should be thankful to the democratically elected government.

But for them, we wouldn't have felt the sense of equality; when bakers and academics, the rich and poor have all become victims of the militia-infiltrated security agencies as well as hard-line insurgents.
frist words, first walk, frist.... in IRAQ

is a 19 year old student who wants to leave Iraq and move to New Zealand. He lives in a Sunni district of Baghdad.
Monday, December 18 2006: A car filled with explosives exploded about 20 meters away from the outer gate of my house.

The car exploded when an American army patrol was passing in the street. There were no injuries to American soldiers or civilians.
Electricity high tension wires got destroyed and now the neighbourhood is without any electricity at all. Nabil's blog

Ignor These Stroies Please

The three news stories referenced here are in my mind important however in the reality of the 24 hour news cycle they have all the importance of a grass growing contest. There is an interview with the leader of a Shite Death Squad in Iraq. Or the story of how all the money that was pledged to the victims of December's 2005 Tsunami hasn't matched what has actually been given. In Turkey 4 people were found not guilty in a trail involving the translation of a novel by Noam Chomsky into Turkish.

Four Turks have been acquitted of insulting "Turkishness" in their translation of a book by prominent American writer Noam Chomsky.
Publisher Fatih Tas was found not guilty, along with a translator and two editors, of contravening article 301 of the penal code.
The European Union has pressed Turkey to reform the code, which it views as a bar on freedom of expression.
It followed the acquittal of another author, Ipek Calislar, on Tuesday.
Ms Calislar had been accused of insulting modern Turkey's founder, Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, by writing that he had once fled disguised as a woman.
The law has also been used against dozens of writers and journalists, including acclaimed novelists Orhan Pamuk - this year's Nobel laureate for literature - and Elif Shafak.
Noam Chomsky

Just because these laws have been used in the passed to imprison Kurds in Turkey isn't worthy of any one's time. Or the fact that these laws violate European Union laws as well doesn't matter. Even though Turkey is working towards joining the European Union.

A CONVOY of about 10 unmarked sedans filled with bodyguards arrives at a small, nondescript home in Sadr City. They quickly fan out to throw a cordon around the property. Inside, small talk on the merits of learning Arabic comes to an abrupt halt - the face of death has entered the room.
This is Abu Deraa. To the Americans and to elements of the Iraqi Government he is a mass murderer. But to millions of Shiites, his rampages across Baghdad and beyond are their salvation.Shite Death Squad

Death Squads just a minor inconvenience in the everyday lives of the average Iraqi. It's not like any one has noticed that almost 100 Iraqi's are killed everyday. So, why would any one have an interest in a interview with a Shite Death Squad Leader? I can't think of any.

Tsunami aftermath littered with donors' broken promises
LONDON: About half of the billions of dollars donated to help the victims of the Indian Ocean tsunami two years ago has still not been spent, the BBC says.
According to figures obtained by the broadcaster from a database compiled by the United Nations Department for Aid and Development, several foreign governments have given only a small proportion - and some none - of the money they promised.
Of the $US6.7 billion pledged, about a 10th has yet to be delivered, and only $US3.4 billion has been spent thus far, according to the BBC.
Among the countries that came up with a fraction of what they had promised, China offered $US301 million to help Sri Lanka but has thus far delivered just $US1.28 million, the broadcaster said. Spain pledged $US60 million to Sri Lanka but came up with less than $US1 million, while France said it would give $US79 million but delivered just over $US1 million. Tsunami Relief

The Asian Tsunami that was so two years ago. Who cares that all those wealthy western countries have failed to provide even half of the money promised to help rebuild Southeast Asia. Isn't it time these people pulled themselves up by there boot straps and get on with life. Just because they lost everything why should they except continued relief efforts almost two years since the Tsunami. Even though they were promised it would happen and their lives would be rebuilt.