Move Over Tiger Woods, North Korea's Dumpy Dear Leader has your number!

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet! More Powerful Than Locomotive! Able to Leap Tall Buildings In a Single Bound! Its a Bird! Its a Plane. Its Dumpy Dear Leader. The Worlds Most Incredible Golfer.

Guffaws were heard around the world last month when it was reported that North Korea's Dear Leader Kim Jong Il had scored 11 holes-in-one in a single round of golf.

But Weekly Playboy (1/1-8), which calls the dumpy dictator a sporting superstar, reports the feat was even more remarkable because the Pyongyang Golf Club where the feat is supposed to have occurred only has a few short holes reachable with a single hit.

"He's incredible! Normally, 11 aces would be unthinkable. Normally, there are only four short holes on any course, so more than five holes-in-one is physically impossible. Nobody in the world has done something like this. I guess the Dear Leader has hit a ball that has been computer-controlled to fly into the holes. If he really has done it, he can buy me a drink. But I can't believe that beer-bellied old man could possibly do it," Kazuya Maruyama, a 60-something lawyer and fitness freak, tells Weekly Playboy. "Golf balls don't fly through the air like that. Besides, North Korea can't get its Taepodong missile guidance system right, so I don't think they'd be able to do something like that."

Oh; to be the Dumpy Leader worlds greatest golfer. Only he could perform a sporting feat that no one else can do. Not even Tiger Woods. But, this is Dumpy Dear Leader we're talking about. A man who has written hundreds of Opera's and thousands of books. A person who was "Born on a Mountain" in North Korea after descending from the heavens. Even though he was really born in Moscow. Don't tell anyone. With all these attributes he's even "A Ladies Man." Look at that fine pompadour and those shoe lifts which make him all of 160cm tall. Talk about tall dark and hansom. Yes: Dear Dumpy Leader a Man For All Seasons.

But with those U.S. sanctions in place. Dear Dumpy Leader's life style has been put in a Major Crimp. What's a Wild and Crazy Guy to do without his cognac, segway's, Rolex watches and bad porn? Perform amazing athletic feats that no one else could ever achieve. Are Man Dear Dumpy Leader.