Your Next Speaker Of The U.S. House of Representatives: Good Luck

HELP WANTED IMMEDIATE OPENING - SPEAKER, US House of Representatives (Washington, DC)

compensation: $223,500
employment type: full-time

One-time historic opportunity to lead an entire house of Congress

NEVER WORK ANOTHER WEEKEND

• Full-time salary and benefits for extremely part-time work in gorgeous National Capitol
• Gluttony for punishment and lackluster organizational skills a must
• Confidence on camera a plus
• And for the Love of God know when to shut the hell up on Hannity.
• Successful applicant will have serious fundraising chops and a credible haircut.
• Are YOU a self-starter with at least 5 years’ experience teaching kindergarten, domestic obedience school, encyclopedia salesmanship or equal?
• Do YOU like meetings, talking on the phone, dull inactivity and golf?
• Are YOU from a state?

NEVER WORK ANOTHER WEEKEND

• The US Congress is currently accepting applications for a 62nd speaker of the House, responsible for crafting legislative strategy, humoring bug-eyed colleagues and decrying Washington gridlock while keeping things nice for the boys who write the checks.
• SECOND IN LINE FOR THE PRESIDENCY
• although that probably won’t happen.
• but you will get to golf with him
• Must be able to pretend fake deal with the president that fell through – that was on purpose
• (required) pulse
• (preferred) current member of House of Representatives
• (clincher) Republican
• Salary $223,500
• Oil painting of you
• Box seats for pope
• Occasional overnight work but there’s pizza
• Apply promptly – open until filled. And possibly longer

• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers